What I Learned About Value — And Why It’s Time for Us to Do Better

When I think back to the early days of my professional football career — a 14-year-old girl, catching two buses and a train across Belo Horizonte, Brazil, just to get to training — value wasn’t a conversation we ever had.

You showed up because you loved it.
You gave your time, your body, your energy — without expecting anything in return.
We didn’t have salaries, health insurance, or any kind of real support.
We had free tickets to the men's games and a monthly stipend so small it barely covered a bus fare.

At the time, it felt normal.
You were supposed to be grateful to have a place at all.

The Weight of Gratitude

That mindset — be grateful, don't ask for more — stayed with me for years.

I carried it when I moved to the U.S. on a full scholarship, playing Division 1 college soccer while studying pre-med.
I carried it when I sold my laptop to pay for a medical school prep course.
I carried it when I backpacked through Europe, sleeping on couches, chasing learning opportunities that would shape my career.

No one ever sat me down to say:
"Passion and self-respect aren’t opposites. They need each other."

It took getting older — and stumbling, burning out, picking myself back up again — to realize that passion without boundaries only leads to exhaustion.

Breaking the Pattern (One Conversation at a Time)

When I started speaking at conferences and coaching internationally, the same patterns crept in.

I'd get an invitation — excitement! honor! — only to find out there was no real plan to value the contribution.
A plane ticket maybe. A hotel room maybe. But no real acknowledgment of the decades it took to bring that voice into the room.

Sometimes I said yes anyway.
Sometimes I swallowed the discomfort.
Because that little voice would still whisper:
"You should just be grateful."

It was mentors like Fergus Connolly, Tiffany Arntson, and some painful but necessary personal growth that finally helped me start asking better questions:

💬 What am I teaching others if I don't value myself?
💬 How can we change the system if we keep playing small inside it?

They pushed me — sometimes harder than I wanted — to see that value isn’t about ego. It’s about sustainability.

If we want women’s football, women’s sport, and our industry to thrive, it can’t be built on invisible labor.

Finding Respect in Creative Ways

I want to be clear:
Not all experiences have been negative. Far from it.

Some of the best event organizers I’ve worked with couldn’t offer a full speaker fee, but they got creative:

✨ They paid for my flights and invited my family to join me, making it an unforgettable trip.
✨ They offered professional photos and videos I could use to build my brand.
✨ They partnered long-term, bringing me into future paid opportunities.

They asked how they could make it work — instead of assuming.
They listened.
They valued the relationship, not just the transaction.

That’s what respect looks like.
It’s not always about money. It’s about intentionality.

Why I Created the Speaker Fee Guide and Survey Report

This project wasn’t born out of bitterness.
It was born out of hope — and a deep belief that we can do better if we’re willing to have honest conversations.

I launched a survey. Hundreds of you answered.
The stories broke my heart and fueled my fire:

🔹 Over half had spoken for free without clarity on expectations.
🔹 Women with 10–15+ years of experience still hesitated to negotiate, afraid of being labeled "difficult."
🔹 So many of us felt isolated — thinking it was just our problem, not a systemic issue.

That’s why the Speaker Fee Guide and the Survey Report now exist.
Free, accessible, and designed to be a tool for change — for speakers and event organizers.

Not to shame anyone.
But to say: "Here’s how we can do better — together."

What the Survey Taught Me (and Us)

When someone stands up to share at a conference, what you see is the tip of the iceberg. Behind that presentation are years of learning, practice, failures, evolution, and lived experience. What’s being shared isn’t just information—it’s perspective. It's voice. It's intellectual property.

Some of the most powerful lessons that emerged:

✅ Value is multifaceted: it can be financial, relational, or reputational — but it must be intentional.
✅ Transparency matters: when organizers are upfront about budgets and expectations, speakers feel respected even when compensation is modest.
✅ Invisible labor needs visibility: preparation, emotional energy, tailoring a talk to an audience — that’s work, even if it’s unseen.
✅ Setting standards uplifts everyone: when we normalize talking about fees and value, we make the industry better for those who come after us.

Being valued doesn't mean you love your work less.
It means you love it enough to protect it.

A Path Forward

I don't want to live in a professional world where people have to choose between passion and sustainability.

We can create better environments.
We can ask better questions.
We can build ecosystems where:

🌱 Speakers feel seen, respected, and heard.
🌱 Organizers feel equipped, creative, and proud of the experiences they build.
🌱 Contribution is honored — whether through fees, support, or simply transparency and care.

And it doesn’t have to be perfect from the start.
It just has to begin.

If This Resonates With You...

👉 Download the free Speaker Fee Guide and Survey Report.
👉 Start conversations with your teams, your communities, your federations.
👉 Choose courage over comfort.

Because when we raise the standard for how we treat each other, we raise the standard for what’s possible in our industries too.

We are the generation building the future we want to see. Let’s build it on respect, not exhaustion. On collaboration, not silence. On value — real value — not just gratitude.